A Pessimists' View On Valentine's Day

Ah, yes. It’s finally here! The holiday of Netflix, ice cream and tears! Valentine’s Day! Valentine's Day is easily the most overrated holiday we celebrate. It’s a gateway for your entire family to laugh at you for being alone.

Everyone is out with their significant other, and you are rewatching The Fault In Our Stars while eating pizza in your pug pajamas. Don’t check your Insta feed or Snapchat for the next 24 hours unless you want to create Niagara Falls in your living room like last year. It’s nothing but your friend’s cute date picture anyway. The day is all rainbows, unicorns and sadness. But at least you have all of the half-priced candy on Saturday to look forward to! The future doesn’t look so grim after all.

Let me explain Valentine’s Day: It’s a day where couples get to brag, and the singles get to cry. The couples go see a cute romance movie, while the singles watch Marley and Me for the 50th time while crying hysterically. The couples post their cute “I love you so much” picture, while the singles post memes on Tumblr.

Family doesn’t help at all. Your siblings leave you for their boyfriend or girlfriend, your parents go out for the night and you stay at home. Alone. Don’t bother calling your best friend, because tonight is date night and they can't come binge watch T.V.

Do you remember when you said, “By this time next year, I will be on a super cute date with a super cute guy. Everything will be OK and I will be happy. I can see it now,”? What happened to you? You were so hopeful back then and now you are so sad.

Fun fact: In order to meet someone, you actually have to go OUTSIDE. It’s a scary thought, I know, but you can do it. Tomorrow. For now, treat yourself. You earned the cookie cake that you got from your mom. It even has “Hang In There” written in the good blue icing. Listen to the cookie.

Isn't it funny how couples seem to make it worse? Picture this: You are walking down the street to get a burger from the good place. Everything is normal until every other person you see is kissing someone. How are you expected to eat after witnessing something like that?

It’s not just the people. Even the pizza places here have deals like “Heart-shaped pepperoni pizza, only $13.99!” We get patronized enough. Being mocked by a pizza is the last thing we need. They better have half-priced cinnamon sticks or they will not be getting my money.

Valentine’s Day sucks overall if you have no one to spend it with. This is a good thing. Take this time to relax. Read a book. Go on a walk. Bake some Cake Boss level cupcakes. Go get a puppy. Steal your friend’s dog. Do things that will make you smile. Make the best of it. You deserve a day to dance around your room in your underwear. Today is that day. Be like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, put on some good music and dance like no one is watching. Don’t worry, no one is home.

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